Going out in Krakow, Warsaw and Katowice

Just as Poland is sandwiched between Western & Eastern Europe, so are it’s women! You can interpret that whichever way you’d like 😉 , or allow me to elaborate.

Polish girls are hotter and skinnier than their German sisters, but not as sexy and thin as Ukrainians. They aren’t quite as stuck up sexually as Natasha, whom needs 27 dates before giving it up, but not as liberated as say Helga, whom requires none.

They don’t get as drunk as Scandinavian women, whom infamously crawl both to and from the club, but don’t stay stone cold sober either, like Kievan girls whom can cradle a non-alcoholic orange juice like a newborn child an entire night.

They dress better than the British, who doesn’t (?), but don’t always rock high heels like further East, where women are born wearing them. They speak better english than the Russians, but not as well as the Dutch.

They don’t obsess over you having a  steady career, but aren’t oblivious to it either. It’s as if aiming to not stand out significantly in either direction have been planed from some women’s central command.

The only category I crown them supreme champions in is the one for the country where;  extremely beautiful women choose to date men who are anything but! Poland is the complete opposite of Scandinavia in this regard, where you’ll find even obese older girls dating fit young gym rats.

The only other nation I’ve seen this many stunning girls with, how shall I put this, not so good-looking guys, is Thailand. I’m not saying there aren’t well-kept guys in Poland. Just that many hot Polish girls seem more accepting of having a boyfriend that is not. More so than elsewhere in the world.

 

Nightlife in Poland

Nightlife on weekdays and weekends are worlds apart. On Tuesdays there are people out, but only a fraction of the crowds you’ll run into come Friday. On weekends the streets are bustling with hordes of sexy vixens out on the prowl. Or so it seems at first glance at least. Upon closer inspection, it’s not always clear whether they’re really out to just show off or hunt.

For as the going is good in Poland I also haven’t been cockblocked by more mother hens in my entire life. In one bar, one such ringleader almost got physical despite her disciple having been the one who latched on to me initially. It was so bad that a third girl whom witnessed the block, came up, introduced herself and apologised, ‘on behalf of Polish women’.

“We are not like that and I don’t know them,” she proclaimed.

Poland is very much like Western Europe in this respect as you must frequently deal with some serious attitudes and bitch shields. Going out alone can therefore be a challenge. The whole nightlife experience is probably greatly enhanced if out with the lads.

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In Krakow, the nightclubs had more quality girls than the bars. The clubs actually struggled with an abundance of hotties, as evidenced by them not thinking twice about letting girls queue outside (see cover photo) for 20 minutes or more. In other countries, sure, there’d be a line of guys, but blonde women would waltz right through.

Meeting girls inside the clubs often proved more fruitful than approaching in the streets. Outside, in downtown Krakow at least, you should think twice before chatting up your local damsel in distress.

I hit it off with two twins sitting next to the church, or so I thought, until they 3-4 minutes into the conversation pitched a visit to a strip club. Obviously at my expense

I decided to check it out, strictly for research purposes of course. There was no cover charge but a beer cost 15 zlotys. In normal bars, a beer was about the same. Just sitting down watching the show was not surprisingly 110% frowned upon. All staff made their utmost to make me feel guilty about not buying a 70 zloty lady drink for any of the strippers whom so magnanimously offered to entertain me incessantly throughout my five minutes on the premises.

I’ve never been more bored in a strip club.  Suddenly I remembered why I don’t go to them unless in Bangkok, where you can sit down hassle free and enjoy the ‘scenery’.

But back to the normal nightlife. I found women in the most popular nightspots, highly ‘boyfriended up’. Meaning you can talk to a cool girl for 30 minutes, only for her to let it slip that her man is waiting at home or is on his way, but she’d love to hang out more. If this was just a frequent test or genuine thing, I never had the patience to thoroughly get to the bottom of, literally.

Outside those major nightlife areas, just a few blocks away, the stars aligned more easily for a single guy. I find this to be the holy rule of Eastern Europe by now, that the level of fun increases exponentially in areas with less foreigners and smaller crowds

It’s still fun in the busiest nightlife districts but harder work is required. In Krakow you don’t need a plan before hitting the bottle. Just go to and around the Old Town. You’ll find an abundance of awesome nightspots.

Katowice had a cool nightlife and afternoon scene on Mariacka Street, a couple of blocks with nothing but bars and mini clubs. Expect more men than women and get ready for some serious drunken madness. Don’t leave your beer unattended for even a split second as it can and will disappear before you’re able to protect it

The capital, Warsaw, definitely did require a plan before heading out. The Old Town was nothing to write home about. For a low-end blue-collar bar complex go next to Subway on Nowy Swiat Street. For some larger, posher and potentially seedier bars with more of a club feel to them, try Mazowiecka Street.

 

The best city in Poland

Unlike Warsaw, Krakow didn’t suffer the most unwelcome double whammy of complete annihilation by Nazis and Communists in World War II before the ultimate nail in the coffin of insult; being rebuilt according to the deservedly under-appreciated architectural tastes of Joseph Stalin.

Krakow’s city landscape thus remains intact from centuries past. It was by far Poland’s most livable, fun and easy to get around city. Nightlife, shopping and sightseeing are all easily done by foot in one day.

I did some apartment hunting for a potential future long-term stay of 6-12 months. In both Warsaw and Krakow a 1 bedroom apartment 60-80 sqm, in a new building 10-15 minutes walk from downtown, cost 2500-3000 zlotys, US $7-800. Whilst not a bargain, I do consider it good value, everything else Poland has to offer taken into account. This is overpriced Europe after all.

The price and quality of the food is another strong selling point for prospective long-term residents. I had great italian pizza and pasta in every city.

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It’s not hard to find all the same dishes you, for better or worse, have gotten into the habit of indulging in wherever it is that you grew up. Fast food culture is alive and kicking. The mega 350 gram beef burger below was only US $5.

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I rented through Booking.com the whole time. I tried listings from $25-70. The $25 one was actually the biggest and best. Polish hosts weren’t always easy to deal with and I found many apartments seriously lacking in basic amenities. Paying $20-25 more than I’d normally be willing to spend per night did not solve this issue. One must carefully scrutinize the reviews of any prospective apartments and take any slight sign of a problem as evidence of a host you should avoid.

Poland isn’t that different from most Western European countries. The cost of living is less than Scandinavia but not that different from Germany or Holland. The quality of life on offer is however substantially higher.

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Invest Abroad: How to Start a Bar In Poland

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