1. Norwegians can say whatever they want

… unless it’s

A) something negative about the welfare state
B) ‘Norway‘, not followed instantly by ‘greatest country of all time’

Truth in Norway rests on these pillars of unquestionable validity. Welfare in particular is that great myth which underpins everything else.

Speak out against it and your job is on the line

Your friends and colleagues will disavow you and whisper in the hallways about that nutter who doesn’t understand facts handed down to people by their benevolent government.

 

2. Your money is not your money

If it were, you and only you’d be entitled to know what’s in your bank account. Instead, each year Norwegians are sent a selvangivelse. Essentially a written statement where the State tells people how much wealth it knows they’ve accumulated, proving once and for all they’re keeping full tabs on everyone’s net-worth.

If all your assets aren’t accounted for, you better correct it. Or norwegianmoneykronerelse! To ensure compliance, these lists over how much everyone earn and save are made public online and in newspapers. That way everyone can keep track of everyone else. All in the name of financial freedom and honesty of course as no Norwegian dare call this spade what it truly is;

A financial dictatorship keeping tabs on its property, i.e. YOU

Everything Ola Northman falsely believe is his, really belong to the community, which is nothing but a sad euphemism for the State.

 

3. Norwegians are 80% slaves to the government

Most of the world agree slavery was an abomination. Imagine those terrible years in Louisiana and Alabama when cotton pickers had 100% of the fruits of their labour confiscated by their ‘owner’. The slaves had no salary and everything they produced went to the plantation.

Luckily in plantation Norway Inc., people are much freer as they only give up 80%!

That’s the share of your earnings that go directly to the government in one shape way or form of taxation or is lost indirectly due to bureaucratic inefficiencies. Norwegians are so free they’ve finally figured out keeping no more than 20% of what they actually earn is freedom incarnate. Go liberty!

 

4. It’s illegal to be yourself

As the race to maximum freedom tightened post World War II, other countries started raising their taxes to Scandinavian levels. As they caught up with Norway taxation wise, we had to up our game. The solution came in 1965 when we fully outlawed self-ownership. To quote a friend:

It has since 1965 been highly dangerous for peaceful humans who claim full sovereignty over their own bodies to reside in Norway

  • Think you can walk around with white powder in your pocket? Say hello to your new prison cell
  • Think bringing 100k cash whilst shopping is a good idea? Enter money laundering accusations
  • Think you can grow a plant in your bedroom? Not if a policeman walks his drug sniffing dog past your apartment building and decides to break into your flat without a warrant because it’s in his power to do just that

All common occurrences as reported in Norway’s most read newspaper VG.

 

5. Privacy doesn’t exist

Upon landing and entering Norway’s main airport passkontrolgardermoen
Gardermoen, you’ll see the government’s secret agents loitering around giving everyone the evil eye before they’ve even lined up for passport control.

Why everyone have to go through this ridiculous charade to enter the country is beyond me, seeing as Syrians, Iraqis and Afghans without papers simply waltz right through. Said border checkpoints must thus exist solely to illustrate to Norwegians who’s boss.

They are nothing but a crude brute show of force, the purpose of which is to remind you that you have zero privacy and your business is the State’s business

As all your belongings are searched whilst your whereabouts and activities abroad are questioned, it’s an eerie reminder of the fact that someone else has the ultimate authority over your life. I could add to this police searches of students in middle school or being dragged to court for violating the holy national bacon quota when driving home from Sweden, but hopefully the point has been made. Privacy is dead in Norway.

 

6. State organized highway robbery is legal

A  few weeks ago a young gentleman thought it’d be a good ideatollregningnorgekeyboard to order himself an American keyboard online. He thought wrong! His order came out to NOK 438 total for shipping and handling from America.

What he forgot to factor into the equation was the government’s highwayman who had yet to appear on the scene.

Once the Norwegian customs commissars had had their way with his shipment, it now cost NOK 987!

Customs charged 549 kroner (about $60) to surveil, open, tamper with and double the price of his keyboard. If this isn’t robbery I don’t know what is.

 

7. Norway is not a Democracy

Norway is a fearocracy where people are kept in line by fairy tales. People could in reality cast a ballot for political parties vowing to create a freer society. Sadly such parties don’t get very far as the press immediately accuse them of wanting to create American conditions (Amerikanske tilstander).

Since few things are scarier to a Norwegian than American conditions, although no one knows exactly what that would entail, they continue to vote for Norwegian conditions

The police state thus perpetuates itself through fear-mongering which keeps voters who entertain ideas of real individual freedom forever in a tiny electoral minority. Quite ironic, seeing as America the great boogeyman itself is about as left-wing, authoritarian, anti-capitalist and tyrannical as the land of us Vikings.

 

8. Most brainwashed citizens on earth

Mention any of these facts you’re now aware of to another Norwegian and he’ll grow red with fury. He’ll subsequently launch into defensive mode and run through a checklist of pre-rehearsed phrases every citizen know by heart come primary school. It includes phrases like:

  • If you don’t like it you should move! As if you don’t have the right to live as anything but a socialist.
  • The UN says Norway is the best country in the world! Yes, when the criteria is 5th grade reading skills and likelihood of losing an arm in combat, that may be true. For individual freedom that’s clearly not the case.
  • This blir for useriøst as I’m older than you! Plus this sounds racist and ignorant so you must be a bigot who hate women, worship America and this debate is over! As if name-calling, America bashing and invoking the old age equals wisdom fallacy somehow makes you wrong.

 

Right now you’re probably shaking your head in disbelief. You’re in shock! So is the Norwegian police state’s hero and socialist role model:

 

6 reasons never to date Norwegian girls

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