1.  People often complain beggars make a lot of money. Hell yeah, I sure hope they be rolling in dough! Sitting in a filthy outdoors open air office with floors made of asphalt, no desk or air conditioning, filth and dust blurring your vision, with no annual leave, baking in the sun all day with grumpy resentful people walking past knowing fully well 99% of them hate your guts and wish you right up where the sun don’t shine, or worse, should command a high hourly rate of compensation.

People think begging is easy. I beg to differ! Pun intended 😉 If I could have any job in the world my last choice would be begging. That’s right, I’d rather serve a lifetime toiling in other undesirable professions as a manwhore, squat champion, professional cyclist or even a full time French person. Being a beggar is forever indeed my last choice.


2.  There’s no corporate ladder to climb. Once you start begging that’s pretty much it. You can kiss that promotion goodbye. Pending the local conditions and where you choose to beg, the only ladder in sight will be the one descending into the afterlife.


3. Your health will deteriorate and the sun will prematurely age your skin. As your earnings potential now directly corresponds with how miserable and close to death you appear to be, you naturally wake up every day with the goal of looking your absolute worst.

The incentives facing the rest of mankind, looking healthy, working out to stay in shape and expanding your social circle to maximise potential opportunities, both professional an sexual in nature, don’t face you. Yours are the complete opposite.

A healthy looking, good smelling, clean shaven, freshly showered sexually satisfied beggar with a big f*cking grin on his face wouldn’t make bank. You must instead stay miserable, dirty and unhealthy to keep your income stream overflowing like the river Ganges during monsoon season. Naturally your lifespan will be greatly reduced as a result.beggarinromania


4. You can’t interact with anyone during office hours. Humans thrive on going to different places, learning new skills, experiencing fresh environments whilst sharing this and socialising with friends. You being a beggar, you can’t travel as you’re highly location dependant and no bus or train would allow you entry anyway. Socialising is also naturally out of the questions as it is terrible for business.

“Look at that miserable c*nt basking in the glory of all his friendships and success”, said no person who gave to a beggar ever!

Fully aware of this, you’re forced to sit in complete isolation from other people like a socially scorned lonely deaf mute with advanced leprosy, not standing, walking or making any sudden moves as those activities are signs of excess energy (i.e. you’re not on the brink of death) for most of the day, only opening your mouth intermittently at the most opportune moments to convey extreme misery, desperation and pain. The repetitiveness of this starts to eat your soul from within.


5. Although you may not be physically dying yet, you’re already mentally dying of boredom. You could take up knitting but naturally you’d then look like you’re racing your way up the corporate clothing industry ladder. Plus, people would get mixed feelings about giving. People give out of guilt when confronted with extreme helplessness.

The knitting beggar, showing just a glimmer of industriousness, doesn’t evoke those same feelings of guilt in the hearts of the people responsible for his compensation. He must consequently ready himself to take a pay-cut where he to try stimulating his mind by taking up knitting.


6. Say you’re the best beggar Stockholm has ever seen.  Exactly what are you going to spend your money on and to what end? Spend it on nice clothes and a haircut and you’d be unwisely beheading the goose that laid the golden egg.

Save up, buy a nice suburban house, a flat screen TV with 1000 channels and you’ll make your daytime job ten times worse than when you used to sleep and live within the same two square metres.

At least back then, you didn’t know any better and didn’t have to sit on some hot ass pavement looking miserable knowing about the awesomeness to be had back at the crib, revelling in your brand new la-z-boy watching reruns of Seinfeld whilst sipping on gin and juice.

You’ve now become a victim of your own success. You quit begging, give up your primetime street-corner downtown to Dreyfus da Texas Hobo, and sit at home. You lose your income stream and eventually the whole house. You’re back on the street now, feeling worse than ever, having briefly had a taste of the sweet life, only to lose it all.

You’re now actually REALLY close to death and your look of despair is sadly no longer an act.


7. You start drinking and eventually freeze to death the next winter barechested in a blizzard. Your frozen carcass is devoured by a lost, confused and hungry polar bear.


Should Begging be Illegal?

NO WAY! Begging is intrinsically linked to freedom. As a beggar you’re not physically hurting or threatening anyone. Asking your fellow man for a handout, either by silent actions or speech, is your right. It falls under freedom of expression.


The only thing you harm are selfish liberal progressive’s feelings.

You know, the confused self-delusional type of people who speak so highly of redistribution and giving but in reality are so altruistic (note my sarcasm) they themselves don’t lift a finger unless forced to by the coercive laws of governments. Naturally, hurting their feelings is something I can’t recommend enough.

Second, begging is a last resort. No, not the kind Europeans go to once a year to pretend their lives are awesome and to delude themselves into thinking they’re actually seeing the world. I’m talking about the end of the road here.

Someone who begs does so because he has no other options, knowing this is the world’s worst profession and all. You outlaw that last resort and you won’t encourage anyone to get a job at McDonald’s. Chances are they’d take that deal any day of the week if they really could.

Instead, you’re forcing them to do much worse things. Most likely that means highly criminal and physically harmful activities such as armed robberies, sexual slavery or worse.

I suspect people love to hate on beggars simply coz it makes them feel bad, guilty and terrible to see someone living such a miserable ungrateful existence. Naturally such a sight leads towards the uncomfortable dilemma of; to give, or not to give, which is clearly the question.

I advocate neither! It’s an individual’s own choice to do what he feels is best. I do however advocate to stop hating on people with miserable lives and possibly start giving a f*ck. Not slandering those that are already down by championing the outlawing of their profession would be a great start.


Fake Beggars & Forced Labor Fallacy

I don’t believe it’s possible to be a ‘fake’ beggar, but admittedly I do know plenty of people who insist that this is the case. Here’s my objection to this notion. Let’s say you against all odds do live in a run down apartment with 15 others and venture out to do 9 to 5 on the pavement with a sad steel cup in your hand.

That makes you a beggar in my book and your job as I’ve just explained, SUCKS! I have friends who’ve tried to convince me that some beggars aren’t legit as they’re guilty of doing this, i.e. sleeping with a roof over their head. Let’s examine this logic. Would you say the same thing about a chef?

Oh he’s not a real chef, he only pretends to be one from 12 to 8 on weekdays! 

Sure the chef produces value in the form of food that his customers enjoy. The beggar produces precious little other than guilt, whom a minority of people then choose to alleviate themselves from by emptying their pockets. This isn’t a socially useful product like say building refrigerators, I agree, but who said that everything in this world must be useful?

People are free to make a living in whichever way they see fit as long as someone else is willing to fund it. Begging falls squarely within these parameters as a legitimate profession that some people are obviously willing to fund.

But there are slave beggars who don’t get to keep their own profits! It’s all run by gangs. Can’t you see?

I often hear people argue this. Funny how they know so much about a profession they’ve never worked a day in. I honestly don’t know the extend of this, but let’s take that argument at face value. If someone is forced to beg against their will, only to have to hand over all their profits to someone else, that shouldn’t reflect poorly on begging as a profession in and of its own.

slaverycartoonWhy? Because that’s forced labor and slavery. This is illegal, against the principle of voluntarism, and has nothing to do with the act of working as a beggar.

You don’t outlaw being a cashier at a fast food joint because someone might be stealing that cashier’s salary outside of her place of work.

Nor do you slander the cashier profession as immoral and call for a boycott of cashiers to protect them from their slavemasters. Instead you combat extortion, slavery and forced labor as the social scourges they truly are.

So there you have it. Begging sucks and is not only the world’s worst, but also least respected, profession! Think about that the next time you start hating on people who have it much worse than you.

Read Next: A Female Drug Dealer in Romania

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